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Where have all my friends went to? I dun want just birthday cliques. I want the sisters that I had back in sec sch. Ppl who you will share everything with and ppl who I'm willing to let into my inner circle of trust. I have not let any friends into my inner circle of trust after sec school. Not even my buddies. Gone were the days where we can share EVERYTHING with our best friends. Those were the days of growing up.
I have to admit. I have alot of protective layer surrounding me. And, it is not that easy for me to strike a conversation with anyone. I'm good with small talks. But, it stops there. I can tell all my silly stories to almost everyone. But, it's very surface too. All the while, I have some unsatisfaction within myself, but I always dun have the courage to say it out. Because, I dun want the person to be unhappy, or have negative feelings somehow. So I have realised, allllll the things that come out from my mouth have been jokes of my life! And, I'm seriously conscious abt ppl's opinion of me. So, these friends fall under the surface friends? I realised. I do have many of them.
I feel that it is terribly difficult to get into my circle of trust. It meaning, getting pass the surface friends stage. I had only let a few of my friends into this circle. But still, there's still more layers to go. Hmm. Seems like, I'm not comfortable with people as much as people would perceive...
The only person in my intimate zone is only my ah dear. I had never trust a person that much in my entire life so far. But this wasnt that easily achievable sia. It took my entire 1 year to start telling him the voices that are screaming in my head. He was practically like the surface friends. If it wasnt the depression stage I went through, I would never had tried to open my heart to him and trust him. Even after 5 years, there are still some stuffs I dun dare/too shy to tell him. But I realised, things are learned slowly. Heh. I told him something that I had wanted to tell him through the last few years cos I seriously cannot bring myself to do so last night. (It's not "I Love you". LOL. Come to think of it, I took quite long before I'm willing to say that with my mouth sia. HAHA!)
AH! I know, The conclusion is. I am shy right? I have seriously quite alot of OS in my mind alllll the time. But I nv voice it out, though I am seriously dying to. Okay, I know it's kinda hard to actually link shy with me, but, I am just chatty. I can still be shy de ok. Ok. I think, it's kinda difficult to convince the whole world. DAMN.
I got sidetrack sia. LOL! I thought I wanted to talk about erm, level of friendship, leading to diff topics you talk about and thus also to the level of likingness towards their bf? HAHAHA! Wah. Forget it la. LOL
I LOVE YOU BUDDIES! (Hmm. That looks like a good conclusion. Haha!)
