Rest

It's so much easier said than done. Rest. One key point in how we Christians should lead our life. I used to think that it's not that difficult because I often rest when I really need to. But I realized, after Sunday's service, it's not as easy as it seem anymore.

By resting, we do not mean that we sleep when we are tired. It meant to leave everything to the hands of our Lord, our God. All because we have no power or control over things, so, there's nothing we can do. Even when we pray super hard, work super hard, think super hard, stress super hard, repent super hard or what have you, we have absolutely no power to grab this power away from our Lord. No, I no longer believe in the phrase 事在人为 anymore.

Easier said than done.

I realized that I've been fighting and struggling to rest. (FYI, I sleep pretty well la. Hahaha!) I kept worrying about the year end taiwan trip with dear's family. Why worry? Oh, because my dear is going be a sponsor for the trip too! Imagine 2 people paying for 9 people. Seriously, that's alot of money! I was just getting quotations for air tickets (no budget airlines for us!) and I realized that, hey! Just tickets and accommodation itself can amount to more than 10k for 9 of us! I understand his desire to support the family, to pamper the family (great that I'm part of the family though. Haha!) but still, I feel that, it's too much of a burden at this stage. It's not like he's really earning super alot of money now. And, no, I don't want him to wipe out his savings just for the trip.

And I realized. Oh, I've done what I should not do. I should have rest. I should not have doubted everything. I should have believed that things will definitely fall into place at the right time. So, I'm slowly letting it go now. I know, we will have a fabulous time without worrying too much about the cost de.

Another thing is that, I managed to wire the fact that I am going to get married in 3-4 years time. Haha! All thanks to his recognition. And because of that, I realized that I'm going to get real disappointed if he don't propose by the 9th anniversary! Haha. So, I don't want it to happen and I managed to tell dear my worries. And true enough, I've done it again. I didn't turn myself to grace and the cross. And I just keep trying to control everything such that I can get my ways. And, I'm going to add to dear's stress on earning a lot of money.

No. This is not how it should be. So, I've learned to let it go le. Hehs. I still believe that I'll get married and have babies. But it's not going to be up to us. It's going to be up to Big Daddy. He is going to show us, tell us, make us do it when the right time is here. =D

A lot of things meant too much to me. As a result, I treasure them so much, force things to happen so much that I managed to make myself unhappy along the way. Oh, of course, I can make others unhappy along the way too. So Lord, please help me to remain in rest. Help me to do the best that you want me to do. Please lead me back to your grace whenever I fall from your grace. And Lord, bless us all with your overflowing love. In Jesus name, Amen.