Miracle

Will there be a miracle?

I have absolutely no energy to keep faith now.

I often wonder. If I had spend all the money all by myself, will I act feel less miserable? Since, I did it myself. Even if my business fail, I will only have myself to blame. If I had bought loads of handbags, I would have enjoyed some thrill somehow? But now, I only have myself to blame because I trusted the wrong guy. That is actually the thing that kept me going until now.

But, patience is wearing thin. Positivity is wearing thin. Everything is wearing thin. I am so freaking upset, dejected, unhappy, negative, angry and whatever whatever. Why is this happening to me? Why? Why do I have to slough so hard for someone so unworthy? Why do I have to think of getting another job? Why do I have to think of teaching tuitions again when I had avoided it at all cost initially? Why haven't I kicked/slapped/punched the idiot who did this to me? Why haven't I tear down the whole building? WHY?!!! What did I ever did to deserve all these?!!!!!!!!!

But there's no one to answer me now.

It probably does not help when I keep seeing people enjoying themselves, splurging, doing anything they want to do because even if they don't have money, their parents do, getting married or even just worrying about nothing but their work.

I now. Don't. Even. Have. Money. To. Eat. Very. SOon.

*#%()&#%&(&$(#%(*%#()_*)_&*@*#&^$#*$&(%#_%)$#%*@($(@*$)(#&%*(+_@*^$&(#^%*(#0

No idea how long I am going to take to calm myself down today. It's going to be about a day soon. I still haven't pick myself up.

Help!