A decision

I have a decision I have to make. This was never a debate between the angels and demons in my head. But recently, it had became a heated argument. And like what I've been told, "Something is wrong when you start halting in your decisions".

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I don't know what had caused this change in me. I have a feeling it was because I had changed. Changed in the sense that my lifelong aim is to enjoy myself and be happy. My perception of things changed and thus, I became a happier person. And, I would like to have more money than I have now. So now, if I were to take a PhD, will all these change? I know I have a long history of getting stressed really easily and thus I have a long history of gastric problems. PhD suddenly do not seem to be going alongside with my life ideal.

Yes. I would want to learn as much as possible when I'm young. But seriously, I think there's a lot a lot a lot of things for me to learn about. It can be about Science, about crystallography, about marketing something, about how to use certain things. They are all lifelong learning, so long I deemed so. Crystallography and structural biology makes me really really happy. I am willing to accept the ups and downs of solving a protein structure. And I feel so motivated to learn about how do I solve a structure. It may be because I really love the subject, it may also be because it is something new and thus I find it new and refreshing~ I prefer the former of course.

It's just now, I no longer feel that I am ready to make my whole life that Scientific (especially after attending a conference). I'm a voracious lover. Things I love comes from all sorts of discipline. And if I choose to take a single path, I may have to give up some things a long the way. Come on, we only have 24 hours a day!

I have 4 months to reconsider my application. I believe that the rejection a blessing.