I cannot explain how much I hate money sometimes.

Ah dear kept reminding about how much I hate to talk about money, especially regarding the issue. The moment this topic starts, my mood hit the rock bottom. And I have to keep telling myself this is so my problem so stop bringing the bad mood to others. Especially when I know, he meant no harm and he's just trying to help. But, it gets so difficult at times. I cannot control how lousy I can feel over this entire thing about money. Even 10 bloody cents feel important to me. I hate scrimping and saving, especially on food....

I hate being reminded of how much I dun really look forward to graduation because there is nothing to look forward to. Where's the freedom I was once promised of? Where's the lesser stress and the lesser sloughing off I was once promised of? It is so not going to happen until so many years later. I can only say, PUI.

Facing bankruptcy yet again. Well, I brought it against myself, I know. I din have to buy new clothes for the poster day. But I thought, it should be a day special enough that I should dress professionally. It's the last day of our curriculum isnt it? I dunno who I am pleasing, I believe it's still me at the end of the day.

And, I din know that a trip down to the hospital can cost so much again. This time round is not claimable because the insurance does not cover this area. I begin to understand why some ppl would rather save the money for a few meals than to go to the hospital to have themselves checked up. The belief that I think early intervention is better than cure is slowly thinning as the medical funds I have thins.

And I wanted to go down to chinatown and daiso and spotlight today. I dun think my financial situation allows me to even go there for a window shopping session. Because, I can never leave those places empty-handed. So why go make myself miserable? I headed home and face my own MacBook instead.

I know. Life still goes on. And I'll become stronger as day goes by. But currently, it sucks. It is impossible not to care, not to hear, not to see and not to get involve in any part of it.