Running Away

Sometimes, I just feel like running away.

And ever since I got discharged from the hospital, I wish I could still continue to stay there. The only reason why I dun wish to stay there is I dun want my family and my darling and my friends to worry about me. And it's been so hard on them to travel to the hospital just to pei me cos they dun want me to feel lonely/jealous that other patients have visitors.

But, do you know that when I was in the hospital, all I have to focus on was to get well, to get rid of the pain? And to look forward to getting discharge. But the moment I got home, things are getting back to normal. I have to go through all the things that I would rather not face. I don't like to worry about money. In fact, I hate it. I know ah dear is very kind enough to want to help me financially in anyway he can, which he did, but this cannot go on forever. His money is supposed to be for himself and not for me. I hate it even more when I hear my parents say that they are broke, and I cant do much to help them. And everytime I'll do the most I could, ending up, feeling miserable myself because I'll rather give the money to them then keep them for myself. Ah dear always tell me I have to stop doing it but I never was able to say no to anyone of them.

But what was really bad was that I really din have warm dinners sitting down most of the days. I always hate munching on breads and biscuits for dinner but I really have to rush to tuition after work which sometimes end late. And, I dun want/cannot spend the extra money on dinner. So sometimes when I have to go Yishun for dinner, ah dear always made it a point to force me to sit down and treat me to a nice and warm dinner.

I told myself during the hospital stay that no, I really have to take good care of my health because I have to stop letting my parents and ah dear worrying about me. And I really promise ah dear that I would really do it because all of them dun want me to continue tuition this way. But as I look into my assets, I took on the tuition center job which pays pretty miserable compared to one-to-one tuition. But at least, they can gimme a stable pay. But if you were to look at my calender now, you'll really want to go back and stay at the hospital again. (Green=Tuition)



I know there are definitely ppl out there who work even harder than I am. And you may be thinking "what's this girl complaining about". But, do I look that I have the energy to care about it?

So damn, I really feeling like running away from everything and just do things that I like. And no matter how hard you want me to work, not having warm meals will just screw me up and make me feel super miserable. I'm so not looking forward to next week. Not because I dun wanna go back to the lab, but because I dun want to start the life after lab again.

Dun bother about me. I'll be fine again after one night slp I guess. Just ask the gastric to stop bugging me now.