I will always tend to demote myself to background and just let them shine above me. And I will watch my every actions because I just don't want to make myself even more inferior than I am already feeling (as in, let them have the confirmation that, ya, I'm really that dumb. Lol!) I don't feel comfortable with them within a certain radius of me. I can only admire and stare in awe, from a distance.
After a series of such thoughts and emotions, the first thing I will think of ish "how did I make my darling fall in love with me leh?" or "I must have a lot of plus points because I do have quite a few friends!".
Well, for one thing that's pretty obvious, I'm dumb! Haha. Dumb not in the sense that I am stupid. I don't think I will make it all the way into PhD if I am really stupid (well, unless you count this action as really stupid because it leads to brain damage). My actions are pretty silly at times (or maybe most of the time), my reactions can be really bimbotic at times, my retorts maybe really senseless at times. But that's what makes me special. And, I enjoy being dumb because laughter will always follow. (Oh, if you are unable to laugh alongside with me, I guess, our frequencies are really off and so, you don't need my company at all.)
Shi Hua dear once used the phrase "having child-like faith" on me. I thought that's a pretty nice phrase to use one someone! Just like how much a little child will believe that you will bring her out when she behaves well, I will believe you wholeheartedly whenever I choose to believe you. (That's how I got conned so many times.) Just like how easily you can appease a little child when you broke your promise to bring her out even though she did behaved well, so long you know the trick, I can forgive you pretty soon. Just like how you can make up a story and make a little child believe that there is really ghost and a whole lot of bad guys in the world, convincing me is actually pretty easy. Just like how a little child believe that the world is as beautiful as a fairy tale, I can still naively believe that the world is still as beautiful as I thought 20 plus years ago.
There are occasions when I feel so inferior that I will just ask deardear it's my so-called "less desirable' traits that attracted him right? I'm not ultra pretty but I'm ultra cute. I'm not ultra slim but I'm not too thin. I'm not ultra tall but I can let him tower over me. I'm not too good in housework and cooking but I'm more than willing to learn. I'm not very hardworking but I am willing to help. I'm not very bright but I'm willing to listen and learn. I'm not able to help him in his work but I'm able to listen to his complains, share his happiness, encourage him, watch over him and walk beside him all the time.
I want to boost my confidence level is quite easy de sia. Hahahaha! Anytime, anywhere!
We should never ever put ourselves down in anyway. If this one don't work, find another way to boost your confidence level. Count your blessings and not your trouble. The moment you start to look down on yourself is the start of a lot of mishaps and unfortunates. No one can be perfect in all ways of the life. You may be good in something but you may be equally bad in other things!
Ya, after thinking through so much, I will still feel inferior when I see pretty girls again. Lol. But thank God, You blessed me with a wonderful dear dear and a bunch of lovely buddies/friends. And, I'm the apple of Your eyes!
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