Family

From young, I always wish that I have a close knitted family. Where everyone would share stories and almost everything with each other. Or at least, I would be sharing things with them. But when I was young, I never do it. I'm pretty much scared of mummy and papa's nv around most of the time. Result? I only tell my friends stuffs and I never bring anything home. Back during the teenage years, I almost dun really talk in the family at all. Because, I really dunno how to start any topic, and I felt wierd doing it. I only remember mama as being really fierce and brothers always borrowing money from me and I only see xiao ge talking to my parents most of the time. And I wasnt staying at home when I was growing up anyway.

But, I dunno when, things start to change. It was either because I started growing up, or because mama went to the hospital or because I started going out with deardear. It doesnt matter when. What matters is, I started talking to my family, chatting with them, sharing with them (Although, I still find it hard at times to tell them everything). And I begin to see all their love and concern in a way I had never seen before the change. This was very welcomed.

But things changed once again when the bad thing stroke twice. Yes, it brought us together, but, it still managed to break up my family somehow or another. Everything's not the same anymore. Dreams were dashed, worries mounted, family ties soiled. Yes I was angry, yes I was irritated and yes, I wanted to sever all ties with him. But after a few days, I realised, blood bonds are not something you can remove it easily. It may not be logical but I can understand why papa is doing all these. Just that, I cannot accept it and I think he had done it the wrong way.

Throughout this entire year (I guess it's going to be a year already), I've kept my mouth really shut. Yes I vent frustrations, yes I asked why this this that that, why you do this and that. But, I had never reasoned with them. I had never tell them what I think we should do. Everytime I said, 'let's sit down and talk', I hear excuses. This one not around, that one not free, etc. I never insist on anything beyond that. Because deep down, I dun want to have the meeting as much. I may be naive enough to think that it'll go away soon. Things will become better. They will solve everything. I dun have to do anything as they had told me to.

But I realized my mistake. Because of not voicing out my opinions, I let matters get worse. I let him hurt the family again and again. I allow them to ride over me and think that I am still a kid. Someone who cannot solve any problem and should probably just listen to the elders.

No, this is not what I should be doing at all!

Enough of hiding under people's skirts, I decided on a family meeting today. It's about time to do it. And I think everyone have been doing things wrongly. And, we need a plan. I want to correct things from now on. I hope everyone will attend it today. Once and for all, I want to set things straight. No more lies, no more irritations. We need transparency!